Fragile

That is the word I would use to describe my current mental/life state. For most of my life people have always commented on how strong and independent I seem, but I know that it's a cover for someone that feels hurt and rejected. I try to talk and act extra brave and extra confident in order to compensate. It's only been at this new job that I think people really seem to call me out on it. Two of my coworkers like to rough house and they are always teasing me that they are afraid to touch me because I'm fragile. This is in reference to my physical state. I, of course, do not see this. I see strong meaty thighs, a gut, and awkwardly lanky arms. I can't imagine someone thinking I look like I could be injured easily because in my mind I look like a beast that can take anything....and for the most part, I think that's why people have picked on me so much over the years....because I look like I can take it. Anyways....yes, my phsical and mental state seems fragile at the moment. See I was given a new anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine as a sample pack. The medicine worked wonders for me and I'm much happier, but when I went to refill it my insurance company refused to cover it. Instead I've been given this zombie drug that literally makes me feels emotionless and drained of all energy. I hate this. What's the point of having good medicines if insurance companies won't allow people to have them. Then theres the drama with my job and whether or not I'm being laid off. It's just all so frustrating and overwhelming at the moment. My family is leaving in a few days to visit my sister in China and see her get married. Lucky me...I don't get to attend. Once again...because of money. I'm hoping their time away will provide me some time to play....if you know what I mean. I never get to go out....so I'm hoping I can have some good nights down town before they come back. I'm 129lbs btw. One thing about this new drug is that it will either cause major weight gain or major weight loss based on reviews.....lets hope for the latter. ttyl