It's setting in

Written 3/3 - I’ve been on this diet for 6 days now. I’m down 9lbs at 151lbs today. The only thing gaining on me is depression. Why is it that you get so glum when you stop eating? Everything is annoying me and I feel frustrated about everything. It’s hard to even get excited about weight loss right now because I’m not excited about this weight regardless. See last time was different. Last time I was entering weights I had never been before and beyond that….I was enjoying my results every step of the way because I was continually looking better and better. Now it’s hard though….I know what it’s like to be super skinny and therefore this isn’t exciting. It’s depressing. Yesterday was my birthday and it was so wonderful because my coworkers through this over the top birthday party for me! I couldn’t believe it. No one had ever had a party like that before. It was hard though because everyone made baked goods and we went to dinner and I couldn’t eat anything and everyone was asking questions and it was embarrassing. I felt guilty. One thing is for sure, that was the most special birthday of my life and I’ll never forget it. I started today. It’s made me really sick and I’m running to the bathroom like every 5min. I suppose the positive to that is that I might lose a little more weight with everything running through me like this. I’ve only had 200 calories today. It’s always exciting when you reallllllly restrict, but scary too because you feel like you have to top it and I don’t know how I can go with less. My friends decided they are going to take me to a legit NY night club where it’s hard to get in and the doorman picks and chooses by whoever is hottest. I’m realllllllly stressed. It’s in two weeks and idk if I can be hot in two weeks. I need to lose at least 12 more pounds. I don’t think I’ll feel good about myself until I’m in the 130’s. I think by Saturday I’ll be 149 and that will be awesome at least to finally be back in the 40’s. It’s actually been at least 4-5 months since I’ve been there. Actually, I just looked at the calendar. If I can maintain this rate of weight loss I could be thinner than 139 by that day…..maybe even 135. But I won’t get myself worked up for a let down. I’m just going to push to be 139 and cross my fingers for better. It’s tricky though because I have a conference coming up in 9 days and I’m going to be forced to eat out w/ ppl the entire time. I hate questions. I hate people staring. Until next time.