The turn around and lightening up

This is going to be short. Basically after my last post I did the jello day and that entire day I was incredibly cranky. I mean like I was seriously on the verge of hurtign someone the entire day. I ended the day by cheating with a cup of cereal. I still consider my jello day to have been completed because it was after midnight when I had the cereal(I know thats worse). Anyways the next day I binged and I ate till it hurt to move....I then practically crawled to my room and purged up most of it. I burst soooooo many capillaries around my eyes it was embarrassing. The next day I woke up and just felt completely unmotivated and binged again....just never to the unmovable point. I knew I was going to go back on diet on Monday and like always I was dreading it and looking forward to it all at once. I've just been super discouraged because I'm steadily gaining weight and I'm not having enough 100 calorie days to counter these binges. Well it occurred to me that the reason I'm failing is because I'm having an all of nothing mentality. Like if I can't do my hundred calories then I'm just going to binge. Well I've got to lighten up. So yesterday I had my toast and then I allowed myself jello. I ended up having 200 calories total, but I wasn't cranky and I can tell I'm thinner today. I'm going to keep up this 100 calories+jello thing until Thursday and then I'm going to weigh myself. I want to see what I weigh on thursday, but I figure it will be 140-ish. From their I think i'll be motivated by my own weight loss and scale success to diet without the jello, but if not then thats okay too. I've just got to get well within the 130's before next Thursday because my friend is coming in for Spring Break and I want to be as thin as possible for when she gets here.

I will say that i feel extremely confident about my diet right now. Like I am feeling motivated and like I can handle this....I can't make any promises because I've been one failure after another i realize, but we'll see.

Here's some thinspo that's been inspiring me. Hopefully it'll help you all too!