Day two can sometimes be the hardest day back on diet and let me tell you that today was extremely difficult, but I made it. I'm 138 this evening and I'll be 137 tomorrow morning. I haven't worked out the plan for once I hit 130 yet, but I think I'm aiming for 129 and then I'll try to eat normally for three or four days and simply maintain my weight and then continue on. It seems like the only way I get progress anymore is by accepting that I have to take 2 steps forward and one step back. I used to be continually stepping forward, but I can't do it like I used to. = (
It's just my acceptance of the sad deterioration of my former self.
I know this sounds creepy but I've started to identify myself as three people. There is the real Annie and she is fun loving and happy and she laughs a ton. Then there is Fanny....and she's fat. Sometimes Fanny is happy because she is able to eat and not care, but mainly she's depressed because her clothes are tight and everyone thinks she's ugly and fat. Then there is Anna. Anna is skinny and pretty but cranky and cold. Anna only cares about 1 thing and that weight loss. Anna snaps at people easily and is a poor student.
I really want to be simply Annie again, but I feel trapped by these caricatures of my extremes and my obsession.
See you at 137.
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