A New Milestone

So this revelation has been a work in progress over the past couple months. I have been juggling the same few pounds for almost two months due to my binges and 100 calorie metabolism crashes.
Between the two my weight loss has come to a screeching halt. I 've been realizing that the only way I'm going to get back to losing weight and feeling good is to start doing my old diet of around 500 calories a day. I lost weight back then and I was satisfied and I didn't cheat ever for like 4 months! it was only after I started 100 calories did I ever have a cheat day. If I can just consistently eat 300-700 calories a day as a lifestyle then I can easily be 120 by mid April and just in time for summer-y weather.

I'll let you in on part of my motivation to knuckle down and start this.

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It's because I realize eating skinny is no longer my lifestyle. Starving is my lifestyle and binges are my weekends guilt trips. Neither is healthy and both are making me miserable. Models eat skinny all the time. They may have the occasional cheat, but there is no binging and gorging.
The thing is 100 calories has been my friend for so long. It's seen me through so many days and to so many milestones... so 100 calories still has a place in my life. I want to eat around 500-ish calories a day during the week and then 100 calories on Friday/Saturday/Sunday. Now I won't always be able to swing that, but in the past I was always able to lose a couple pounds during the week by eating 500 calories and then drop 2 or 3 more on the weekends when I would eat 100 calories. The thing is I'm not going to force 100 calories on myself. If I'm motivated and wanting to do it then yay! and I'll go for it, but if I feel hungrier and less motivated then I'll stick with 500 and not beat myself up over it. Also I'm going to be working out more now so I need the extra calories in order to effectively work out.

All in all I think this plan will allow me to not only lose this weight, but get into a weight maintenance routine. Right now I have no idea how to eat normal or what eating normally even consists of but this will allow me to slowly adjust back into normalcy.

It has been sooooooooo incredibly hard for me to reach this point and there have been sooooo many tears shed over this eating disorder, but if I am able to really stick to this then right now I'm kind of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I just really hope I can stick to this. I want to see 120 and beyond and if I just stick to this then I know I can!

I don't know what I weigh today because I binged this weekend and so I'm avoiding the scale but pre-binge I was 136.

Wish me luck....I'll need it.