Long and Lonely Road

Lets recap.

On Saturday I weighed 134. I just maintained and I just had this gut feeling that was going to happen. I was really disappointed but determined to carry on with the diet regardless because I felt like it might just be water weight. Well I went to work and when I returned home I was 135....for NO reason. i was so annoyed....So annoyed. I had anticipated it though so I went downstairs to my kitchen and began to eat. It was so nice and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
The next day I decided to eat as well, but I was just going to eat around 1200 calories and the purpose was to boost my metabolism. Well I ate alot more than that, but still probably not more than 3500. I felt horrible though. Really fat and disgusting and depressed. I was desperate to get back on diet. The next day I started back, but for some strange reason....I wasn't in the game. I was resisting the diet. I know the first two days are the hardest so I don't know why an experienced dieter like myself was actually struggling. I cheated Monday night and I was at the lowest low. I also did the one thing you should never do during a binge. I weighed myself. i was 140. 140!!!!!!!!!!! I was 134 only two days before! I managed to gain a weeks worth of weight loss in 2 days! Its true weight gain too because I can see it everywhere. My arms are bigger...my legs are bigger...my stomachs definitely not where it was AT ALLLLL. Just extremely depressing.
I did my 100 calorie diet the following day(Tuesday...which was yesterday) and I felt soooooo depressed all day. I mean truly low. I felt dirty, embarrassed, ashamed, and like I was dead inside all in one. i couldn't do things like look at thin celebrities or anything I normally do because I was too ashamed.

I'm finally feeling slightly back to normal, but still this whole experience has been to traumatic because I was in my highest high of happiness and then it was immediately contrasted by almost my lowest low.

I weigh 139 today. I will say....It's nice to know that my horrible scary high weight is still within the 130's. Thats kind of comforting. I know I can take the next 9 pounds off. I know I can hit 130! If my body would cooperate with me and drop the weight as quickly as it normally has the I know I could hit any goal I set my mind to, but my metabolism is always the issue. Here's where I have some exciting news. I hate exercise, butttt I know it's the one thing standing between me and my dream body. Exercise is the next step in attaining the body I've always wanted. My Dad bought my entire family gym memberships! So I now have access to all kinds of equipment and a family full of people making sure I get my butt over there to use it. = ) So hopefully if I am working out for like an hour a day and doing my 100 calories then I can knock this weight off even quicker.


Well until tomorrow.