It's a fact that seeking help is the scariest aspect of an ED. I've been at my wit's end. Literally sobbing and not being able to get control of these emotions all week. I'm just extremely discouraged about my weight and my scarily determined willpower to not eat.
It occurred to me this week that most people who develop an ED...due so when they are of a perfectly normal weight. I developed one when I was overweight. I lost 55 pounds through starvation alone. That takes an incredibly large toll on the body and thats why my symptoms are so similar to someone who is truly underweight. I've lost my periods. I have no blood circulation...literally my feet looked dead yesterday. They were so blue/purple that my Mom gasped and the whole thing reallly scared me. My heart hurts all the time. I can't sleep. I'm just extremely miserable and to top it off I don't have that excited feeling about weight loss anymore. It's like they are just numbers...all equally horrible and I'm fat no matter what the scale says. I weigh 140 today. Perfectly normal. Exactly ideal weight for a girl my height, but I hate myself...I hate my body so much. Despite my best attempts to be proud of my body...I feel ashamed.
I reached out to my Mom last night and explained the gravity of this situation. Basically we're seeking help at the beginning of the week. I'm scared. I'm afraid they'll put me on a diet that will make me gain. I'm afraid I'll see a counsellor that will think I'm fat and this is stupid.
....I'm glad the conversations over though.
Since you are a healthy weight for your height, you might be put on a diet to maintain your weight. If you maintain and eat enough foods and healthy enough foods, your body should go back to normal. It will take a little while but your body should be able to recover. Good luck with everything.
ReplyDelete"I developed one when I was overweight." I developed ed too when I was over weight and dropped down to a healthy weight but i gained thats why I am where I am.
ReplyDelete"I lost 55 pounds through starvation alone." thats amazing!
I hope that you receive the help you need and they wont think your fat. When I went into recovery I was overweight.....
If you need support then i'm here for you...Ed or not Ed!
xx