The past couple months I've been struggling to revive a will power that died(probably from starvation). Somehow I just can't do 2 week period of 100 calories anymore. I don't know how to explain this, but I guess I don't want to starve anymore.
I'm about 140lbs. Despite all the starvation and what not I've not been able to truly leave that number behind. I want to be healthy and happy. I want to be a thin healthy person that's able to represent veganism and make it look good. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to bald anymore. I don't want to snap at my family. I don't want to cry about scales anymore.
I just want to live.
The funny thing is...I thought I had a binge eating disorder that had to be controlled through starvation. Turns out...I was just so starved all the time that I ended up binging from hunger and not because I was a true binge eater. I've finally got myself on a consistent 1200 a day diet and I believe that in a couple months I'll be at the weight I want to be. The crazy thing is I feel totally satisfied and happy on 1200 calories.
Every once in a while I hear a comment or see something that makes me feel the need to eat 100 calories, but I tell myself it's not worth it.
I can't say I won't ever fall into it again or that I'm "recovered" but I'm doing what I can.
I'm not quitting this blog at the moment, but we'll see where things go. = )
i thinks thats absolutely amazing hunnie.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment.
I feel so much better.
I passed my driving test=D
Keep strong, you can do this.
Im here for you 100%
xx