500

I can't explain this feeling....It's like I'm just living in a daze. Actually its like I'm not living....I'm a zombie. All I do is think about weight and dieting. I have this diesease and I feel guilty day after day because I've spread this to others. One of the last things I ever shared with my friend(the one that was fired many months ago) was that i ate only a few hundred calories a day and he was totally fascinated. Soon after he was fired he started dropping weight. He looks completely anorexic last time I saw him. To add to that...I saw someone wrote on his Facebook thanking him for the dieting tips and that they had lost 10lbs.

Eating disorders are a cancer that spread by word of mouth. Whether it be a comment someone makes that destroys someone's self esteem till they want to starve themselves to death or the tips and tricks we all share on here or other sites. I'll feel guilty about that for a very long time.

Once someone has truly seen the darkest pits of this problem...there's no fun and games there anymore. It will only become a darker struggle. I don't know exactly when I realized I was no longer in control of the disorder, but I do know the joy of weight loss and life instantly stopped.

I ate 500 calories today. Tomorrow I'm shooting for 100.