A need for love

I've been consumed with my feelings of loneliness and depression lately. I just need companionship so much. I feel absolutely alone in everything. It's weird but I've been on this journey my whole life to be beautiful. I just felt if I was skinny enough or pretty enough everything would be right. And I know I'm like a record on repeat, but seriously...I can't stress how much these thoughts went through my head growing up. The first week we had a coloured printer in my house I printed photos of Britney Spears and hid them in my drawers. I would stare at them sometimes and just wonder how wonderful her life must be and if I just looked like her life would magically get better. I feel like logically....it would be hard for me to look better than I do now. I have amazing thick hair that's always perfectly styled. I've really mastered hair over the years. I have flawless, impeccable makeup. I spend half my paycheck on make up and hair. I have cute clothes. I have almost everything, but i'm still lonely. I see guys staring at me constantly. Yesterday a girl came up to me and offered me a job at Buckle because she thought I was "really pretty/cute" so I would fit in. The whole thing was so weird and shallow. Walking through the mall two people stopped me to tell me they loved my outfit. A customer said I had beautiful hair yesterday. My interview told me the same thing today. I get compliments all damn day, but all I see is an ugly fat blob ...and I think half of it goes back to being alone. I say all this because I'm always trying to reason with myself in here. Think out loud if you will.... I was reading a question a guy asked today on a message board of sorts. He asked why girls are so obsessed with their figures/bodies. One woman's answer summed it up perfectly - she said that society says Thin=attractive and attractiveness=love. We all want love....so we want to be attractive...so basically we are all quite literally starving for love. It was so simple yet so profound to me. I just want love....and I think I can achieve that if I just hit the right weight. It all makes sense now. I just wish I knew how to change that thought pattern....or how to get love. :/