Making deals with God

From a very young age I remember feeling very in tune with God. I didn't always realize it was God that was directing my conscience, but as I became older and more self aware I understood that He was the one guiding me all along. I guess deep down I always felt like it was him putting certain ideas in my head, but another part of me would rationalize that I was just being silly and letting my imagination get the better of me. Because a part of me did believe God was listening and speaking to me through the experiences I faced in life....I would make deals with him. I've always been asking God to grant me certain things....sometimes I make promises in return about what I will or will not do in return. Most of these requests are shadowed by something greater though. The greatest request I ever made from God and the one I know he granted me. One summer when I was probably 12 I started reading proverbs and praying alot. The whole concept of wisdom became really important to me. I was fascinated by "wise" people of the Bible and today.....and I wanted to be one of those people. I began to pray constantly for wisdom. I read the book of proverbs over and over again and prayed heavily for wisdom at the present and wisdom as I grew older. I believe when we truly seek pure things WITH pure intentions....God loves to give them to us. This is one of those things. I believe my request of wisdom has been granted and it's presence has stood out in many situations I've faced. Do I think that I myself am extremely wise and intelligent??? Heck no! Do I think God has granted me insight and good instincts at very crucial moments in my life in order to make WISE decisions??? YES!!! Another way I always felt God was talking to me was with regard to my weight. I remember when I was growing up people would always tell me how beautiful I was, but I could tell their compliments were masked with hesitance because while they thought I was pretty....they also still knew I was fat. All growing up my parents would just blatantly say that I was their "most beautiful daughter"....this would usually be followed with "Now if you can just get your weight under control...." -_- Even though I knew I was pretty...or at least had the potential to be pretty.... I couldn't get a handle on my weight. I used to believe God was not allowing my to find the willpower to lose weight because he knew if I lost weight I would go out of control....and I would have. I can tell you right now that if I had always been thin....I would either have kids and some low life husband....or I'd be some sort of porn star/stripper. I always had a high sex drive and then on top of it...I longed for the male attention that I never got from my father. Now that I'm older I KNOW God was keeping me from being thin until I was mature enough to manage being thin. I'm old enough to have self worth and self value that I won't sleep around casually...and I won't fall for the lines of some guy. And this comes back to where I was headed with the wisdom story. I often wonder how I didn't have sex with Brandon. I know pretty much every girl he's even hinted at sex with has jumped at the chance. He even told me...no one ever made him wait. Of course he could have been lying, but I don't think so. I remember every date we went on just seeing how all the girls just stared at him soooo intently....lusting after him. He was beautiful. He made me totally wet just from the thought of him. When he would repeatedly ask me for sex...I truly believe the only reason I was able to say no was because of my wisdom deal with God. I think he gave me the insight to somehow sense that the whole relationship was a waste. I never consciously realized it, but subconsciously I knew brandon was just a jerk..... even when he fed me all the lines to make me believe otherwise. I think God kept me from this whole situation and has planned everything the way he has for a special reason. I can't help but believe there is a special purpose ahead for me. I've always believe it somewhat, but today this whole thing has really been on my mind. Maybe it's about time I stop obsessing about my issues and start trusting that everything is coming together up ahead....I just can't see it yet. = )