Slowly but surely

This weight just realllllly doesn't want to move. It is now technically Tuesday and the last day of August....even though I'm still awake and feeling like it's Monday night. Monday I weighed in at 170lbs which was a number I maintained from Sunday also. So I have lost about 2o pounds since a month ago. I feel proud, but I'm stressed.....this weight is just coming off soooooo slowly. It just makes life inconvenient for a million reasons. I don't need to be stuck in between sizes for long periods of time. I want to be able to drop it so I can get into clothes that not only fit, but fit my in shape body. I am about a size 10 now. I can't imagine what my body looked like at a size 16!!!! (woah....upon having that thought I went back to some pictures I had taken of myself in February and WOW!!!!!!!!! I WAS HUGE!!!!!!! when I get to my first goal of 130 I will take photos for this page and show the before and after.....trust me....there will be some serious thinspo!!)

Back to being a size 10....I feel like even though that is smaller than the average...I am overwhelmed by blubber and fat. I can just pull the fat around my stomach....i can't imagine being fatter....or feeling okay at this weight. This is so weird....i really felt like looking at old pics like that might discourage me, but actually I feel really motivated and even more determined to distance myself from that depressing creature. I can't wait to get a new profile picture in a couple months when I'm at my skinny weight and surprise everyone who has always been secretly laughing at me. Won't they all feel dumb now?? I know exactly how I'll pose too. I want the photo to showcase my long legs and how spidery my limbs will be when I'm super skinny. I'll wear a black turtleneck and black leggings while doing some sort of ballet pose of sorts......I know I have mentioned the girl i went to England with before on this blog....her name was Robin for those who haven't read those entries...and she always used to make comments about my weight and I know she felt she was so much prettier and better than me....She can't lose her weight...she doesn't have the control and will power I do....I can't wait to blow away her and every other person thats ever made me feel less than.

Lately my diet has consisted of next to nothing. I eat two pieces of toast with peanut butter and sugar free jelly spread veryyyyy lightly.

2 pieces of bread - 70 cal

PB+J- 50

= 120 calories

Spinach- 10cal

Dressing- 60

190 calories total

Its crazy but I feel like I was a pig even on less then 200 calories....Sometimes my mentality about this whole thing is so obsessive I worry even myself....and I'm the one who is so gung ho on this diet.

I hope my diet provides some inspiration to people....so far I've lost 20 pounds but since January I've lost 30 pounds.....I have 40 more to lose.

It's sad to think I'm not even halfway there! When I get to the 150's it will get easier I know.