Tuesday, August 18, 2020

188 and this is for me

 



This morning I woke up and immediately weighed in. I hit 188! I have to hit 187 by 8/20. That’s the exact weight and date from 2010 and I’m trying to almost recreate my journey. It’s helpful to know I’ve done it before and on almost the exact timing so I have a guideline of what I can expect.


My diet yesterday was 459 calories.

Extra lean turkey: 162

Broccoli: 120

Goat cheese: 83

Egg beaters: 46

Cheese slice: 40

Tomato: 8


It was great because it was super low carb too. I think I should easily hit 187 tomorrow or Thursday because I really feel the slow down I experienced was solely related to my period. I think I was retaining a lot of water and just constipated.

I’ve been giving a lot f thought to whether Ill always be bouncing up and down the scale. Part of me thinks yes because I guess it’s never been super easy, but the other part says no. I think had I not started losing my hair in 2014 I would not be here. I was totally fine and around 125 when that started. It kept me out of the gym and kept me home comfort eating. It just all spiraled from there. 

I think now about what I looked like and all the comments people made. It’s like even when I was soooooo skinny people were never satisfied. My sisters wedding day I remember someone commenting on the fact I was eating cake in a negative way. I was probably 135lbs that day. Totally normal! 

I don’t know - my hope is that I have some new perspective this time. This time feels like it’s for me... not anyone else and not for how they’ll like me more or whatever. It’s for me. 

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