The bumps are what you climb on

So ever since the fake 185 I’ve lost exactly 0lbs.

Yesterday I kept weighing in at around 188 or 189 all day which was so upsetting.

I honestly considered caving yesterday and eating more because wtf is the point of eating nothing if I’m not losing anything. I decided I just needed to hold out. I know this has happened in the past and it always eventually ends, but I have good reason to believe I’m just massively swollen for whatever reason. Likely it’s related to East I g around 40 carbs on Sunday. Net carbs were like 23, but I think that didn’t matter to my body. Water sticks to carbs as I understand it.

So today I woke up and weighed in at 188, but I just felt bad and swollen. So I just decided to try and flush my system with lots of water. I did that and drank a lot. By weigh in I was 186. Also I’ve been testing my key tones and Saturday they were great, but the past couple days it’s been trace amounts only. Actually this morning the test really didn’t look like there were any at all. In any case I tested right before eating and I was back up at fairly high levels. 

So either through my own doing or just whatever I’ve been set back, but thankfully I pushed through and today I’m sticking to under 400 calories. I had my broccoli and stew meat. I should weigh in at a “real” 185 tomorrow.

I should also add that Ive had no bowel movement today and I think that would really help. I’d like to be 183 by end of week, but that feels a bit impossible now. Hopefully it’s 184 at least.

I just want to be in the 60’s by early October. I want to go through this holiday season back in shape.

It’s so easy when the weight won’t go to give in and give up. To just accept hiding away and being ugly and resigning myself to this current life. It doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t know that things will be better if I lose this weight, but I’d like to hope. I’d like to enjoy seeing myself in a mirror again. How long I’ve avoided myself.