I'm mad at myself because I screw myself over everytime I get caught up on the pills.
Basically I ate more yesterday....not even a binge...just what used to be considered a normal day. I can't remember how I consumed all the calories now, but it was 500 calories. Mainly I ate plain broccoli and a few other steamed vegetables. I didn't even eat anything bad, but I instantly felt frustrated that I had consumed more than my 100 calories and so I took 4 laxatives. Not too drastic, but still once the laxatives come into play there is always more of a set back, but I can't help myself but resort to them everytime because I get panicked and desperate to have my system empty. It's not about the calories because in my mind 500 calories doesn't even sound bad, but it's the fullness....the idea that there is alot of food in me. I hate it! I want the emptiness back asap!
So anyways that happened and then today I continued flushing my system out and stuck to 100 calories. By tonight I was back to 147, but then I decided that just for extra measures I should take some water pills and reallly flush out any excess liquids....Well whenever you take the water pills you have to drink a lot....so I did and I'm not peeing enough now I don't think....I drank like 40oz of water ....I should be dying to get to the bathroom but ever since I drank that several hours ago I haven't gone that much and just now I weighed myself at 151....Obviously it's water, but if I've somehow screwed myself up to retain MORE water by taking the pills improperly...I'm just going to be really mad. Basically I'm done with pills. I know I say that everytime and then I go right back, but I seriously need to be done. THEYYYY are screwing me up...not me...I'm doing good. It's the pills that screw up my progress everytime!
I know that's a whole lot more info than anyone cares to read, but I'm just venting. : /
I want to be 145 by Friday....at least. I know my metabolism is so screwed up at this point that the weight just doesn't want to budge like it once did, but I can't eat more...I'll just psych myself out and screw up everything. For ME .....eating any more than my toast just feels like I'm getting farther from my goals and I neeeeeed to see the 130's soon before I get so discouraged that I never make it out of this pit. Plus I bought clothes in smaller sizes when I was dropping so quickly that I thought I would be in them in like a week, but now I'm still the same and I want to wear them!
I won't complain anymore....Sorry for being so whiny. In the words of Monica -It's just One of Dem Days.... haha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEh4eWJPT0U ...classic = )
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