Looking up!

Okay so I've been in a real slump in case you haven't noticed. This feeling like I'm never going to get out of this weight range has been overwhelming my every thought. Well today I feel like I'm finally back on track. I weigh 146(thank god) and I'm not tempted today! It's weird how those days of temptation just come and go....like yesterday it really took everything in me to not binge, but today I ate 150 calories and I can't imagine eating anything else today. Here's what I've eaten:

2 vegan links: 90 calories

2 cups steamed broccoli - plain - 60 calories

= 150 calories = Me :)

I think I just feel good knowing my back on track. I did feel bad about the amount I consumed as far as the volume of food....like it wasn't alot of calories, but it was a large quantity of food regardless....so I took 2 laxatives to clear it out. I know I said I wasn't going to do that anymore, but I felt like 2 pills couldn't hurt too much and I figure part of my screw up on pill days is that I consume 300+ calories and I just ate 150 today so I think I'll be good. I just want to empty myself out. I hate feeling full!

I've decided to create a new goal because you know how much I love goals! haha

I would like to be 135 by thanksgiving. Is that and insane stretch that will never happen? YES! Am I doing this massive stretch goal to strive to do my very best and not feel like I can slack off on any day?? YES! Will I reach it by the 25th? Probably not, but I hope! = )

So that's like 10 pounds in 13 days I think. haha No way in the world, but oh well. I just want to be in the 130's by Thanksgiving. If I'm 139 I'll take it.

One last thing. I see alot of things on here that I know are a direct result from someones poor self esteem, and most of the time I think nothing more of it other than the fact that they must be extremely miserable inside, but this week I read some insanely harsh words on a blog I follow. The girl ridiculed people who are poor, weigh more than her, and "ugly" people. I realize she must be in alot of pain to lash out at indirectly at the world, but I couldn't help but feel that other people could be reading that sort of stuff and feel they fall into those categories and therefore feel pathetic. It just leads to a cycle of mean. I just want to say to anyone reading that they should never feel bad about themselves because of someone else's insults towards you. People who say things like that say it from a place of hate for themselves and you just get the results of that hate. So never let something like that make you feel less than. = ) I know that's random, but it just really bothered me that so many people could be hurting because of someone else's pain.

Anyways I may blog more tonight...I'm back in dieting mode and that means blogger is my best friend. ; )