Saturday, December 4, 2010

The cycle continues

So today I weigh 141. I ate 200 calories this morning because - 1. I was super hungry 2. I thought it would be okay considering I was going to be on my feet for 8 hours. I still feel anxious about it but here is what i have eaten.

Toast: 100 calories
Vegan links w/ ketchup: 100
2 coffees and 1 tea


So yea. Hopefully I'll still hit 140 by tomorrow...and 139 by Monday. I'm soooooooooo dying to go eat a salad or something so I'm just going to bed instead.
Today was a horrible day at work...and depressing too. I'm sad about everything I always mention and I'm having reallllllly weird deja vu. Last year at this time I was loving life...listening to lots of Lady Gaga, being with my friends, and driving to work in lots of snow....my life is exactly the same except I'm without my friends and the other two factors just remind me of the absence....also the fact that I'm not getting ready for a really exciting life in England. Oh well.

Monster - Lady Gaga ...it's the best song fyi = )

Today one really surreal thing happened. I work retail in case I haven't mentioned before and while I was checking out a woman who was purchasing a shirt I owned I commented to her that I loved that shirt and wore it all the time. She then responded that it probably looked better on me because I'm so small. what!? I'm so small??? me?? I'm sure she was just being nice, but I felt so startled. This woman knows nothing of my struggles or where I've been ...she just saw me for what I look like to her...small? wow
I am liking my body more, but the things I don't like will be pretty much gone when I'm 130. I can't wait. It is easier to diet when you're zeroing in on perfection. I think I will be the best stick figure ever....I'm so committed and in love with my own bones. = )

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