Frustrating

Now days my thinspo is much different, but back in the day I remember watching that video over and over again wishing I could look like Britney and be that thin. Don't get me wrong ...she is still some major thinspo for me, but mainly because of how I viewed her as a kid/teen. I find myself drawn towards waif like figures rather than athletic, toned builds.

Well I haven't posted alot recently and any time that happens just know that it's because I'm binging. haha It's not funny but I just have to laugh at my own patheticness.

I'm 144 today from all the eating I've done the past couple days. Oh well...I think I'll hit 143/142 tomorrow. I ate 100 calories today and I'm really glad it wasn't too hard. It's so dumb because I can do this diet so easy when i just try at all. I'm so mad at myself for falling off the band wagon and basically screwing myself up. I won't be able to hit 130 by Christmas now I'm sure. I can probably hit 133 at best. That's pathetic, but I've got to look at the big picture.....I hope by my Birthday(March 2nd) I can finally be 115 or somewhere near where I want to ultimately be. As long as I eat 100 calories nothing can go wrong...it's just when I start the eating that I screw myself up. I'm on a 100 calorie a day fast until Christmas day. I will eat what I want on Christmas and then I have to diet for a couple days before I leave to see my friend! Yay! Maybe I can be 130 for that trip?? Idk....I'd like to see the 120's by the end of the year, but I doubt that will happen.

I've got alot of time to diet over the next few weeks on break so I need to make the most of it and that means exercising alot too! I've got to start working out. Oh well....I guess that's all I've got for now. I promise I'll do better!

The next time I hit 139 I'll post a pic of myself....= )Until next time!