Well I'm 140 as I planned. Tomorrow I'll be 139 and then I'll eat around 500 calories...feel full and gross all day for at least a day or two and then realize I hate it and come back to my hundred calories. It's just the never ending cycle. I do know that I'll never be able to eat like I used to. I can't see myself ever just eating cake without thinking about the exact calories or where I could purge or whether I have enough exlax to fix things later. Is it sick to say I'm thankful for that?
I know many people on here can be soooo critical of fat people, but I don't feel the resentment towards fat people like some people with ED's seem to. I feel really sorry for them and i want to help them.....BUTTTT if they are part of the super fat and proud movement then I start feeling annoyed. I hate people going on about being curvy when they are like 250 pounds. That's not curvy...thats fat and possibly obese! I did see yesterday that my weight this time last year had me with a BMI of 31!! I was obese this time last year!! I'm now 140???! I just have food issues period. I don't know how to eat till I'm full and then stop...I don't know what full is....I don't know how to eat like a normal person. I'm always going to be prone towards being an extreme in either direction, but I know that obese me is gone for good. I will add though that despite being 5'8- 205lbs....I was only a size 16. So it's not really what it might seem when you picture an obese person.
btw...I can wear a size 8 jean now and size 6 skirt. I don't know how that works, but they vary. I still have a long ways to go but i think I can be a size 4 jean and size 2 skirt at 120. I'm just basing that off the fact that I think about 10 pounds go into each dress size. Idk...just a guess.
Before I run...here's my intake for the day:
3 cups of tea
toast: 100
1 vegan link: 45
= 145 calories = )
Thankfully I don't have any more vegan links so that shouldn't even be a temptation.
See you at 139 ; )
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