Well, Well, Well

The title comes from Duffy haha She's really grown on me.

Anyways I'm 141 today. So I am doing much better than what was even expected. I'm probably going to be 140 tomorrow and 139 on Tuesday so everything is going according to schedule!

I will admit that even tough I am sticking to the diet and most of my focus has been regained...I'm still struggling a little. Like for example there are cookies downstairs and I was soooooo tempted to eat them(It's not even a part of my vegan diet!) ...I obviously didn't, but a few weeks ago it wouldn't have even crossed my mind to eat them. I knew I wanted skinny more than anything else.

Also I'm not even sure I can see myself ever gettign super skinny. I'm obviously going to keep dieting and keep eating right(aka not eating lol) but it's like the idea that I will ever be 115 seems nearly impossible. It's only 25 pounds away and when you've lost 65 that should seem like a breeze, but somehow it doesn't.

I think what overwhelms me is that I set unrealistic goals so much and then feel really let down when I don't meet them. It's not even that I think I can lose 20 pounds in a month, but if I say I am or that I want to...when I fail...I just feel as if I made no progress even if I lost 7 pounds or something like that.
I won't be 115 until the beginning of March at the earliest. I need to accept that and just do my best everyday.

well regardless of anything else i'm going to starve down to 130 and hopefully when school starts back I'll be entering the 120's and from there I think I'm going to start eating 500 calories a day. By that time I'll be a nice weight(at least a "nicer" weight) and i won't feel as much pressure to be extreme.

Anyways....until tomorrow!