Let's not do that again

Okay so ever since probably 2 weeks ago when I hit 139 I have been STRUGGLING to do 100 calories. I don't know why, but like all my will power and motivation was zapped. Like literally I began to wonder if I was going to ever be skinny or if I was about to balloon up. It's like I was binging left and right and I couldn't stop! I was purging a lot and overall I was at a weight stand still, but THANKFULLY last night I just told myself no more and I really felt the will power come back to me. So today I ate 100 calories and omg am I ever happy I was able to harness my will power again. I am finally back in a state of mind where being skinny is my focus.

Now I'm not gonna lie....that whole episode really shook my confidence. I thought I was invincible when it came to will power, but I faltered ....I faltered and it took me two weeks to come back. Now I will say I had quite a few dieting days in between that 2 week period and very few days consisted of more than 1200 calories, but it's the fact I kept trying to eat only 100 calories and I kept NOT being able to. That's just not been a real issue in the past. Like I've maybe had an extra 50-100 calories, but never struggled to not binge. Anyways the damage is that I'm 143. The good news is that I always drop the first few pounds VERY quickly when I start up my 100 calorie diet. So I might weigh 142 tomorrow, but if I'm lucky I'll weigh 141. By Monday I may weigh 139. I'd be so happy if I could be, but that's a stretch. I'm going to do this 100 calories though until Christmas. I'll eat whatever I want on Christmas and then I'll do 100 calories until the 28th when I visit my friend. I don't know how I'll eat when I visit her. I'll probably do around 500-600 calories a day to avoid suspicion. When I get back from that visit I'll have like 2 weeks until school starts. If I could be 130 by the time I come back from my trip to see her I MIGHTTTTT be able to get to 120 by the beginning of school. That would be so nice if I could at least be 125 by the time school starts back(the 14th).

I know everytime I get to a new set of "ten's" I say this, but it's really true this time. Once I get well within the 130's/the lower 130's everything else will be gravy. Everything else will be perfecting and just adding to the basics. The ideal weight for my body is supposedly 140 so that's why i think once I'm in the 130's I'll be above and beyond good or average.

Well I'm going to keep my focus and keep on chugging away!
I hope anyone reading this is meeting all their goals = )