So I hit 139. The difference between this time and the first time I hit 139 is that the first time 139 was the stopping point for that spurt, but right now it's the taking off point.
Idk why but I just have this sense that today is going to be hard. I've been on a fast basically for 6 days now and I just really have to have my guard up because I'm likely to stumble...not from lack of willpower, but lack of strength. Idk I guess at this point I'd rather pass out than jeopardize this diet....we'll see what happens. I am very week. There's no way this could really go on for 9 more days, but then again if it doesn't I'll be crushed and feel like a failure.
Today I'm going to eat the following:
Toast: 100
Vegan link: 50
= 150
We'll see what happens.... I shouldnt have any real trouble doing it because I'm used to this, but anyways...
You know what I did realize yesterday....I always talk about my weight in the most negative ways...like I don't celebrate my goal reaching moments rather I complain that its never enough. When I hit 147 the other week instead of being real about 7lbs
I played it down when I lost it...like that two of those pounds weren't real loss they were constipation. Why didn't I just celebrate losing 7lbs and shut up?
I know the base of this illness is self hate, but I have got to start thinking more positively. Got to.
Well anyways I'm off....I'll probably post later!
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