Thats how I have to take things....I just have to deal with this diet, the urges, the temptations, the setbacks, the ups, the downs...all moment by moment...or else I'm likely to fall apart.
You know what's crazy? I was 139 today. Not 143. Not 141. Not even my hopeful 140...No, I was 139! I was happy and I still am, but I just want to be so much further along. I want a binge to feel justified. I want to feel like it's ok because I've gotten to a safe enough weight.
I'm making a plan that I should be able to hit 130 by next Thursday. So you may be wondering if I'll actually be able to hold out til then. Well i am wondering the same thing because to be honest I'm tempted to binge even today. Granted...I've had a lot of down time today which leads to those kinds of thoughts, but here is why I think I'll be able to hold out until then.
I'm covering new ground this time! Seeing a new all time low has always been motivation for me throughout this diet, but I haven't hit a lot of new lows in recent months. = ( Actually 138 was the first new low since December....meh.
Anyways I at the very least will hit 135 by Saturday which is good enough for me for right now because that's 5 pounds less than the thinnest my co-workers have ever seen me.
Oh...I forgot to mention something about purging the other night during my binge. It was harder than usual and I burst blood vessels around my eyes....lovely! Also I've had a sore throat ever since. Also lovely. That scared me because it could have been much worse...like a burst blood vessel IN my eye.
I just don't have good blood circulation and I never have...and that being coupled with my lack of a gag reflex makes purging HARD.
Well anyways I'll update tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing splendidly on their diet. =)
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