A good note...

So I managed to hit 157! = ) Hooray!! Okay so I'm automatically back to feeling dissatisfied once I read that this girl I follow weighs 102lbs....yes, she is shorter, but I'm a heifer. ANDDDDD this weight loss only came after eating 400 calories over the course of THREEEEEEE DAYS! That's right I only had 200 calories Friday, 100 calories Saturday, and 100 calories today. But seriously that's what it takes for me to lose weight. I don't know how people lose weight by eating 1200 calories....like I can't even comprehend such a thing. I feel obese now when I eat 500 calories. Really anything more than my toast feels like sin. Yes, I'm exhausted and my mind barely functions but that's what it takes.

I wanted to be 120 by Christmas sooooo bad, but its just not going to happen. I just can't lose it fast enough....I'll be 130 for sure, but not 120. I just don't know why this is sooooo hard and slow. It's just really annoying to eat 100 calories and be a size 10. Like it's one thing to feel the pain but be anorexic looking. It's another thing entirely to eat anorexic and be fat.

To be 130 by Christmas I would need to lose 1 pound every 2 and a half days.....which in the past I would have thought would be a piece of cake, but considering how slow my weightloss is coming I no longer believe that. I think it will be tough, but I'm going to make it. Basically I need to lose 3 pounds a week. I'm going to cut my calories in every place possible. I already cut my peanut butter out of my diet and I will now stick with that. I should learn to drink my tea w/o almond milk even thought I'm sure I only have around 5 calories of it per cup. I need to measure my dressing everytime and not just eye it. Basically i just need to reel in all the random calories I don't take enough notice of.

I should drink more water also. Maybe chew less gum....idk gum is my addiction.

It's just weird to have lost 33 pounds, but I feel like my body looks EXACTLY THE SAME!!! I cant see any difference any more....I'm so tired of being fat too.

One crazy thing I will end with. I was trying to pick out an outfit last night for work today and I have this purple cord mini-skirt that has always been a bit snug but I've worn it anyways and worn things to cover the muffin top, ect...well I thought - "Oh I bet that will fit perfectly!" So I tried it on....It would barely stay up on the widest point of my hip!!!!! haha It was so loose it just dropped off! I find that really crazy. I mean that thing was tight! and I thought I was hot stuff in it too....so how is it that this much thinner I manage to feel the ugliest?? I'm so weary of it all

Oh well...until next time! = )