Wow....

Today was hard....today was HARDDDDDDD.

I know this is probably obviously if anyone has happened to notice that I blogged three times in one day, but seriously. I had the day off...I had a bunch of school to do which forced me to stay home..I was weak to begin with so I was going to have to allow myself a little more food today ANDDDD my dad bought papa johns.

Now the whole pizza thing isn't out of the ordinary...seriously every weekend whenmy dad is around there is so much ice cream, french fries, pizza, pancakes, muffins, pies, and cakes sitting around that this shouldn't have phased me, but i think because of the extreme lack of food....I was just overwhelmed ....overwhelmed by food and boredom giving me lots of time to think about the food. Well i didn't eat the pizza if thats what you're wondering....I haven't lost my mind, BUT I did do something I haven't done in a really long time..probably since high school. Chew and Spit. Gross I know. I just cut a sliver of the pizza(it was one bite full) and I savoured it without an ounce going down...then spit and rinsed my mouth with water 4 times before I allowed myself to swallow again normally. I instantly felt so fat. I doubt there was even 100 calories in the bite I had...if I had actually eaten it...let alone the calories that were left in my mouth despite the rinsing, but the whole thing left me feeling so shameful that i felt like I had binged on an entire pizza. Probably 3 calories at best went down...so why do I feel like I'm losing this weight battle. Ughhhhhhhhhh curse you Papa Johns!!

Tomorrow I'll make up for the brussel sprouts and the vegan sausage because tomorrow I work all day and I won't be able to eat. = ) I love work for this reason specifically!

I've decided I'm having brussel sprouts for breakfast tomorrow. Thats probably less fattenign overall than my toast even though it will be a few more calories so I'm pretty excited about it.

This week is going to be really busy so I think I'll be fine as far as days like this go. Althoughhhh next Friday I have the day off also and I may end up having a good bit of homework to do....so there could be a repeat...I'm just going to try and get things done early so that isn't the case.

ughhh I give up for today