Once upon a time I cared about...

School

Grades

being good at my job

having a working brain

friends

good food

socializing

more than my pant size

the inside more than the outside

issues of the world

good conversation

Once upon I didn't care about:

talking diet 24/7

spitting before I weighed in

weighing myself 30+ times a day

the 5 calories in a stick of gum

how much water I was retaining

sitting on a toilet for an hour hoping to pee a few ounces away

reading hours of thinspo a day

watching several anorexia movies/documentarys a week for motivation

sizing up every person I saw by weight alone

browsing Skinnyvscurvy.com for hours

Yea you get it.

I weighed 153 today which means I've lost 37 pounds. I've got to be 150 by Monday. I've gottttt to! I made a promise to myself I would be 150 by the time my Mom got home from a long trip she was taking and I am determined to stick to this. My thing is...I know I can't eat 100 calories a day for weeks and weeks and expect 1 pound loss everyday. So I feel like I need to have two days where I eat about 400-500 calories. like maybe Monday and Tuesday I eat that much and then I get back to business on Wednesday. Maybe I should divide the eating days though....like eat on monday, 100 calories tuesday, eat on Wednesday, and then 100 calories for a week.

I just know my system is really week right now. I think eating a couple days a week would make me lose more in a weird way. Because the metabolism boosts would be good.

It's just so hard for me to eat. 1. it feels like I'm not making progress when I do and 2. it's harder to stop once you start than it is to just avoid it all together. Like it's really not hard to say NO to everything, but once you start saying YES to some stuff it becomes harder to say yes and no. I don't know if this makes a ton of sense, but it's my will power issues I've got to work out.

Wow I can't believe I'm almost al my all time thinnest. When I hit 149 it's going to be unreal. I think that's when I'll know this whole thing is real and I'm not dreaming this success...it's actually happening. It's so near....just a few more days! It's really exciting that I'll be reunited with my Mom and hit my mini goal all in the same day. I will be 10 pounds thinner than the last time she saw me! I bet I will look different to her.

Anyways thats whats up with me!

Until next time!