So it's 1pm and I already failed

This morning I felt soooooo weak. It's gotten harder to get out of bed every day simply because I feel so sore and tired. I know these 100 calorie days are tough but if I do anything different I feel like a failure. So I knew I needed to eat something today....So here's what I've had for the day and just keep in mind that i'm not eating anymore for the day.

Toast: 100

Vegan hotdog: 45

Brussel sprouts: 100

=250... = (

So I immediately went upstairs and took some laxatives...Oh gosh I hope this doesn't ruin me getting to 150/149 by Monday. I won't be able to have a normal weigh in tomorrow because I have to work too early....So my Sunday I should be 150 but my original goal was to hit it by Monday...so whichever comes first is fine.

Today I weigh 152....barely. I'm just scared that I won't be able to get down enough by Monday.

I think all the extra stress and everything is based off the fact that I am nearing my all time lowest weight and this has traditionally been when I always screw up. I know I'm so much more mentally into this then I have been in the past, but I'm still nervous. I just hope that exlax pushes everything through. I know I'll still get the calories but I want to free my system of everything. Hopefully since I took them now I will get everything passed through by 8pm??? I hope that's not asking too much.

I'm seeing more and more that my true ideal weight is 110. I look through ModelMayhem all the time comparing girls at my height and their weights and 110 is what I've always wanted to look like.

This girl is 100lbs and 5'8 -

http://modelmayhm-7.vo.llnwd.net/d1/photos/101014/20/4cb7c5f1b173e.jpg

and ironically her name is Annie haha = )

I think somewhere around there is where I would ultimately like to be....I won't be there until January/February, but oh well.

I'm kind of bored and frustrated today so I'll likely take to the blog again haha

Until next time...