Parents

I'm doing fine on my diet today. I ate my usual toast this morning and I've been continuing to rid myself of the exlax binge, but I can tell theres still a ways to go and my acid refulx issue feels worse...So I ate 2/3 cup of collard greens with is about 30 calories because I felt that putting something in my stomach would keep the exlax flowing out of my system instead of just sitting and eating my insides. I just didn't want it to be anything with calories so hopefully this will just help me and NOT make me continue to gain. I hate that i had to break my rules on the first day back, but I'm going to work those 30 calories off.

Anyways...with regards to the title...My parents are pretty close to me. I tell my mom pretty much everything. It's weird but she knows I only eat 100 calories a day....actually everyone in my family does. It's just not a big deal. Like my mom knows I binged on exlax yesterday....she doesn't know I took 25, but she knows I overdosed. She's just kind of relaxed about it. It's not that she doesn't care I just think she gets it because I'm fairly sure she's played with starvation when she was younger. I just wonder when they won't be cool with things...like at what weight will they be concerned about this. Who knows....but the whole thing has been making me wonder. Everyone else in the Ed community seems so secretive, but I never have had to be really. I mean my parents don't care if I restrict. Now if I was purging I think they would freak, but I don't think they consider 100 calories shocking or unhealthy. Or maybe it's just that they feel I am really overweight so they think I should restrict like this.

Anyways....I feel good being back on the diet. Eating 100 calories makes me feel pretty and powerful and like my dreams are closer....like no matter how crazy my life is or how bad I am at school...I am good at my diet and I will be beautiful. It's just a matter of time.

I told my Mom this morning...even though I just binged 1 day....it feels like I haven't dieted in years! Like I'm finally getting back together with an old friend. I feel brand new and like my old self all at the same time. = )

Here's to being a skinny bitch soon enough! haha