Purpose

I've been thinking a lot about purpose lately. Not just mine, but others too. See I had this friend who came to England with me...we've since gone our separate ways, but she was really wrapped up in the idea of purpose....almost on a self absorbed level. She felt really insecure about herself...it's not something she ever said, but it's something I could sense. So in order to make herself feel more secure she would often drown others in ramblings of her possible purposes. It didn't really bother me because I knew this was all coming from a place of fear...fear that maybe she was meant for nothing so she made her life mantra all about how great she was in order to contrast those feelings of purposeless she had deep inside. She made a point of telling me every time someone told her they thought she was meant for something great. I think she was struggling with this issue so much because she had just graduated college and as soon as this study abroad experience was over she didn't know what she was going to do and she was scared....so repeating the good things people said about her made her feel better or more secure at least momentarily.

I guess a lot of the reason I even think about this issue is because of her. I never really considered my own life purpose until she started talking about throughout 75% of our conversations. See when I was growing up I too felt like I was meant for something special....I remember my first goal was to be a country singer, then I wanted to be an astronaut, then I wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, ect... The point is anything i set my mind to was wrapped up in the idea of being something "great." This has to be true for most people. I mean I can't imagine anyone starts thinking about careers and decides one day that they would love to be a janitor, yet millions have people have ended up there. Right now I am a year away from becoming an accountant. I can tell you right now that never in my wildest dreams did I envision myself becoming an accountant.

I guess I keep thinking about the issue and wondering...when do some of us stop believing in ourselves to be great and why do others never stop??

My friend is old friend is determined to do something incredible with her life, but it just seems like she can never figure out what that is. I feel like deep down I have so much potential to do something amazing with my life, but I settled for a 9-5 and desk work. : /

How did this happen? A part of me feels like I am never really going to be an accountant or that will end up being such a small part of my life. I feel like something is bound to happen to change my fate....and I live my life on this fantasy. This whole issue has been scaring me lately because what if this fantasy never becomes reality? What if I really do just end up the epitome of boring? An accountant.

I don't speak to that friend anymore, but I often wonder what is going to happen with her. I sit and wonder if she'll turn out better than me and I worry that she might simply because she believes it so much more than me.

I'd like to end this post with a resolution, but I don't have one. I'm still learning and I'm still figuring life out. Maybe when I eventually figure things out you'll still be here....still reading.

Sincerely,

Annie

Another Day, Another Dollar

Okay so some good news! I remembered my old log in information for my other blog. haha The "bad" news(if you can even call it that) is that I'm settled here now and I don't even care to go back anymore haha I mean I know I've only blogged three times on here, but maybe I forgot that login information for a reason. This is the first time I've been committed to updating one of my blogs consistently and I think it's time I make this blog officially mine. = )

Anyways today I thought I would do something different from the updates I have been doing. I've basically been taking a trip down memory lane, but I want to talk to you all about what's happening NOW! haha or else I'll always be taking a walk down memory lane and after a while you just need a new street. ; ) I can't help but be incredibly cheesy haha

I've mentioned earlier that I have been sick alot here lately and unfortunately I just can't seem to kick this cold. I mean I thought I had, but then it started back again today....so once again I stayed in and slept incredibly late. On the plus side I did buy tickets to Les Miserables for my last night in England and I think spending the night in London is a great way to end things! = )

Plus that is a show I have always wanted to see....sadly I have never read the book completely, but I did listen to it on tape as a kid and I loved it. It's been a favourite ever since.

The weather has been amazing lately so I decided to venture out despite my sniffles and sneezes to walk around town and run some errands. My first stop was at the local movie theater to finally see Sex and The City 2. I've been dying to see that for over a year!! and I attended the premiere a week ago(being in germy condition at this premiere is what got me sick haha) so it seems especially weird that someone who met the whole cast and everything couldn't even get her butt to a theater to see the movie on opening weekend, but this stupid cold... haha Anyways I know that the movie has been receiving some harsh criticisms and frankly I expected that. When a perfect show makes a movie version of itself its bound to gain critics that argue its lost its touch, but the thing is...we know the Sex and the City: The Series is gone as we know it.....it will never be recreated, but these movies are great ways of seeing our old friends again and if you can see the movies for what they are I don't think you could be disappointed.

I went into it expecting maybe a tad less cheesy-ness, but overall I loved it. It was not quite as good as the first film, but I love the girls and will welcome any opportunity to see them again. = )

After that I managed to run some errands and go grocery shopping before retiring to my room for the rest of the night. = )

I would like to touch on one issue in England that has irritated me to no end. First, I just want to clarify that I love this country as much as my own, but we all have our pet peeves and mine just happens to be acceptable in England. I hate when people won't move for you when you're trying to get around them! At my local grocery store you have to use a coin to gain the use of one of their shopping carts...which is fine, but I usually don't want to hassle with finding a coin in my bag so i just opt for a basket. The problem is I usually wind up with a very heavy basket 10minutes into the shopping experience and while I'm fumbling and struggling to hold this basket and quickly get out of the store....people just stand in your way or push past you! I mean I can say a million "excuse me's" and some people here would never be phased. I don't get that. I feel like in the states we all have bubbles and we like to keep our distance from others even if that means moving so someone else doesn't touch us, but here everyone is a little tooooo comfortable being stuck around each other. Basically I would like to enter and leave a store without touching another person throughout the entire experience(hello I have a cold from the very thing) but no...we have to push people to get around them and we have to stand in peoples ways until their hands are dying under the pressure of their shopping basket....ughh

Oh well just a little venting = )

This has been a really boring blog, but my life has been a bit boring also. I think I'll make a special blog about my premiere experience! Maybe that might be something fun to hear about?

Sincerely,

Annie

Arriving on British ground...

I won't get into the flight because I'd like to think of happier times. haha All I'll say is that for almost 9 hours I was unable to move except to cross and uncross my legs. : /

When we were about a half hour out from landing I woke up from a long nap and stared out my window in amazement at all I was seeing. For years I had been dreaming of this and here I was watching Big Ben from hundreds of feet in the air.....I could hardly believe all the landmark sites I could see on the way in. Usually when you are landing/taking off everything below just kind of starts to look the same, but this was the one and only time I had ever clearly been able to pick out spots and sites.

When we touched ground I remember closing my eyes and mentally giving myself a pat on the back. I had done it....I was on English soil and everything was going to be okay. = ) Next thing I know I'm wandering through Heathrow...juggling bags and searching for my taxi driver.

Fast forward to my arrival at my dorm.

England was in the midst of the biggest snow storm it had seen in decades which was ironic because the last time I had visited they were having the rainiest weekend they had had in decades also. haha I ended up having to drag my bags through a literal foot of snow and up four flights of stairs which was no easy task, but once I got in my room there was this odd feeling. It was exactly as I had pictured everything to be from what small views the school websites gave, but it actually seemed a tad better.

I was HORRIBLY UGLY. I was still recovering from one of the worst breakouts of my life....I was greasy, tired, swollen, and swamped with work. I had to go to the store that night and get all these essentials before I could go to bed.... that was a daunting task and still to this day I look back on that and realize my own strength, determination, and will from moments like those. I just can't explain how exhausted and horrible I felt and then to have to venture into a strange town on foot in the dark and find groceries....ughhh.

Well I did it...I managed to get everything I needed at Sainsburys(which would come to be my safe haven many a time haha).

I remember setting up my bed that night...putting on every piece of clothing I could possibly wear(the radiator wasn't up an running yet) and passing out.

Sincerely,

Annie

It all started one winter...

Last December feels like yesterday. I was nervous, busy, stressed out of my mind, and more excited than I'd ever been. I was about to embark on my grand trip to England I had been planning for over a year and dreaming about for many more. I was at a weird place in my life. In some ways it felt like things were finally settling down and I had made a place for myself in my work and relationships. I had great friends and a set routine. I had been working for that all my life and when I finally got what I wanted....It was time to go to England on a trip I had planned when all my relationships were non existent and my work was less than ideal.

England had been my escape....and now that it was time to go...I had nothing I wanted to escape. None the less I was really excited because I have always had a passion for England since the first time I saw Princess Diana as a kid. I thought she was the most beautiful woman and I was captivated even as a kid. From there my love of England continued to grow until I had the opportunity at 14 to visit London with my family for a weekend. I had been travelling Europe with my family for a month straight and by the time or trip for London arrived I think everyone in my family was homesick for America, but as soon as we got to London...it's almost as if all that homesickness was forgotten. We all fell in love and it was the one trip we took the entire time that we weren't ready to let it end!

So it's really only because I truly did love England as much as I did that I was able to leave behind everything I had come to love so much. I looked at England as a new beginning. I had no idea what to expect from my time there. I didn't know if I would fall in love, meet my future best friends, or find my future career and that was kind of the excitement of it all...I didn't know what was going to happen.

I can picture the day I left just as clearly as this screen in front of me. It was January 6th....I was a few hours away from leaving, there was snow on the ground, I was worn out from all my preparations and general stress, I was nervous about the long trip ahead and I was already missing my family. I can picture the ride to the airport...me looking at everything trying to take it all in as I knew it would be the last time I saw any of these sites for 6 months. When we arrived at the airport my mom, sister, and I went inside and waited at a Tudor's Biscuit World before my flight. haha The humour of this is that I can't think of any place my family dislikes more...but....it was our only option at our small town airport. I remember tearing up at the thought of not seeing my cat, Pumpkin, for a very long time. Right before my flight my other sister showed up just in time for them to all wish me well and kiss me goodbye. I walked through security juggling all my carry ons and as I left to walk down to my gate I saw my family one last time through a glass window....they were waving and I then realized this was really it. This is really the last time I see them for six months. It's not as though I have never been separated from them before. I had gone away to college for my freshman year, but I saw them on breaks and sometimes in between. Never had I stayed away for six months. It was scary because this was my first true test of adulthood. I waved goodbye and next thing I knew I was on my flight to Detroit(my favourite airport in the world) and on my way to growing up.

Sincerely,

Annie

Third times a charm...

Well this will be the third blog I've created in the span of a year. Basically I once had the idea that I would like to have a gossip blog....it seemed so easy...so fun....so I said "why not?" but I quickly become discouraged after pouring a lot of time and money into something only one of my friends glanced at occasionally as a favour. Then I decided that I should start a blog describing a study abroad trip I was taking. I figured it would be good for me to journal the experience and why not share my travels with the world in the hopes that some other student may read about my trip and find it helpful for a future trip of their own. The second one was actually a much better idea except that I am horrible about journalling and I only ever updated the site three times BEFORE I left on the trip and then midway through my trip when I wanted to start using the blog I had forgotten the login details haha So actually there is another blog out there titled "Annie Abroad", but it will go untouched until I can remember how to login haha

Oh well...It will be nice to have a fresh start here. The problem is that I am only three weeks away from leaving. : ( I wish I had been writing about this trip the entire time because it would help to have memories to look back on when I go home, but sadly I've been terrible about keeping track of this trip with words and pictures. I guess I'm more of a live in the moment type person rather than a memory maker.

But...now that I've been indoors for a week straight I have finally decided that as long as this dreadful cold isn't going anywhere, neither will I and I might as well get some memories written down. = )

I don't know who will ever read this or if anyone will, but if you are reading.....thank you! I really long to share some of my experiences with someone and for reasons I will later explain...I have had no one to share them with for weeks...and now we're about to push on months.

So I leave this opening now.....If I've even peaked your interest at all...please join me as I share my travels, tips, thoughts, and dramas with the world. = )

Sincerely,

Annie