I'm old.

It's so weird going back and reading old posts. Its just crazy to see how much I've done and what I've been through. I'm 25 now and I've been in the midst of mid 20's crisis. Just your typical post grad ....what am I doing with my life stuff. I feel so old and stuck. Like this is my life now and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that all that "You can be whatever you want to be" phase of my life is over. I think a lot of the reason I go back to ED issues is because of that loss of control in my life. I feel out of control and bad about my life and therefore I start working on the things I can control - my weight. I'm 130. I'm not thrilled about it, but it's comfortable for now. It's a happier place than the 142 I was sporting about 6 weeks ago. I've been working out a ton....focusing on my fitness, strength training, and all of this while starving. It's definitely taking it's toll and I actually think starving has held back my weight loss actually, but not eating just makes me feel too good mentally. I feel accomplished when I don't eat. I feel good about myself. Here lately I've been eating probably around 500 calories a day and lots of coffee. Obviously something has worked or I wouldn't be so thin, but I'm obviously still not doing enough. I want to be 120. I think I can finally do this. We shall see.